Mission Impossifail
by Ragezilla
Summary: Eight of the Total Drama contestants are to be molded in to the perfect spies in order to stop an international crisis, while uncovering the dark secrets of the organization they are with. Only question is, how badly can they fail?
1. Prequel

**-Prequel-**

**FAIL Squad**

* * *

><p>Chris wasn't acting like himself that day. He couldn't really tell why he was so nervous... Wait, his boss was coming over. He sighed and got the papers ready. He thought of himself as a very imposing person; somebody who was "the boss". But truth was, he wasn't a boss. Instead, he quaked at the very mention of <em>his<em> boss...

"Oh! Umm... Hello Tracie, sir." He said as his boss walked in. The boss was rather large and cynical, not to mention somebody who scares the breath out of Chris; mostly because he signs Chris's paycheck. Either way, Chris needed a change of underwear.

"Don't call me Tracie. My dad got drunk on the day I was born and thought I was a girl. I would prefer if you call me T-Dawg." He retorted.

"Ye- Yes T-Dawg."

"It doesn't really fit me when I hear it. How about T-Sizzle?"

"T-Sizzle?" Chris raised an eyebrow. Tracie nodded.

"So, I presume you have our next federal secret agents chosen?"

"Uh- Of course! Here's the funny part... So I tried to find the agents by pretending to host this show called Total Drama. In order to get people to come, I had to give 100,000 dollars that's coming out of your paycheck..." Chris nervously laughed.

Silence followed, as Tracie stared at Chris with a dissaproving frown. Chris nervously laughed again, "This is when you're supposed to laugh."

"It's coming out of your paycheck. Anyways, can I know who you picked?" Tracie retorted.

"Umm... Here." Chris handed the papers. Tracie looked through the applications, frowning as he looked at exactly who Chris had chosen.

"These are the people you've chosen? Owen, Sierra, Duncan, Courtney, Noah, Lindsay, Harold and Eva? Really?"

"Are you kidding me? These people are perfect for the job!"

"You've hired Owen..."

"Even he's perfect! After eating a burrito he's silent and deadly! Perfect for a ninja!"

"We're hiring spies, not ninjas!"

"Fine... But you have to admit, Noah is perfect for this job."

"Fair enough. Duncan, Courtney, Noah and Harold could be molded in to pretty decent spies with enough training. But that doesn't excuse the rest."

"Alright, look. I've spent months with these people. I know what they're capable of. Give me one week of training with them. I'll prove that they are all spy material. Every last one of them. Plus, we've lost all of our operatives. They are either killed or are MIA. I miss Chef, his food always put a frown on other people's faces." Chris replied.

"Fine. One week. But consider it your paycheck that will be failing if you don't manage to give me five-star operatives."

"Deal." Chris smiled, "I'll get the F.A.I.L squad to be one of the best this agency has ever known!"

"You're going to call them Fail?"

"Yeah, Final Assesments In Linguistics. F.A.I.L."

* * *

><p><strong>Author's Notes:<strong>

This is more of a prequel chapter. Expect the actual story to be much longer.

Anyways, I'd like to know how I did. If you like the concept of this, please review, alert or favourite this. It would really help out :).


	2. We Are FAIL

**-Chapter 1-**

**Basic Training**

* * *

><p>"Uhh... Where am I?" Courtney asked as she woke up. She looked at her surroundings. It was a rather large, dark room filled with numerous other people. She inspected the bodies, starting with the one next to her. She turned the body around to get a glimpse of him, and gasped.<p>

"O-Owen?" She gasped. Owen, still unconcious, started to mumble.

"Mommy, I don't want to go to school... They stopped serving nachos during lunch. Plus I have gym today..." Owen mumbled in his sleep. Courtney breathed a sigh of relief. She shaked Owen, trying to wake him up. He woke up, looked at Courtney and smiled.

"Hey! How are you?"

"Owen! Focus! Where are we?"

"Well, last thing I remember I was letting one rip in the high-school bathrooms... Hehehe."

Courtney proceeded to waking everybody, one by one. As soon as everybody was awake, the room lighted up, revealing every wall to be a T.V with Chris's picture in it.

"Chris... What are you doing this time? I'll sue you if I'm going to be dragged in another useless competition! Exams are coming up and I need all the time to study!" She yelled.

"Oh joy, it's _this_ arguement again." Noah rolled his eyes.

"Is your exams important right now? I'm afraid we have much bigger stakes on the line." Chris replied.

"Steak?" Owen called out, fully awake.

"I'm with Courtney on this. We're going to finally graduate, and exams are coming in a few weeks." Harold added.

"Don't even talk, cheater." Courtney retorted.

"Are you still on that?" Duncan laughed, "...Hot."

"That was like... Three years ago! I've already said sorry!" Harold argued.

"You don't actually have any proof." Eva replied.

"It was on international T.V viewed by millions! How could everybody have missed it?"

"Cody? Where's Cody?" Sierra asked, looking around.

"Cody has been M.I.A. for the past two weeks. Let me explain."

"There's nothing to explain. We aren't playing your stupid game anymore." Eva replied.

"**That game is fake!**" Chris yelled, grabbing everybody's attention, "I'm actually a retired agent for the A.T.O (Anti-Terrorist Organization)! Your exams can wait. Right now, we're in danger of a nuclear fallout. We've sent all of our best men, and nothing has come. You are this planet's last hope!"

Silence followed, as everybody started laughing. Duncan replied, pointing at Harold, "You think he can save the world?"

"This isn't a game! This is real! Look, I'll explain what happened. I'm the recruiter for this secret United-Nations organization. In order to get fresh, new blood, I needed a way to get teens to join to this cause. This was how Total Drama was created. All of you signed up, and i had to choose the best for this job."

"And you hired Owen?" Duncan asked, causing everybody to laugh.

"Yes. Even he has a place in this. I have a week to train you in to perfect spies and worthy of the name of the F.A.I.L Squad."

"What is that? Sorry, I'm not very good in Spanish." Lindsay said.

"You want us to be named the fail squad?" Sierra asked.

"Yeah. Final Assesments In Linguistics. F.A.I.L." Chris replied.

"Couldn't you have chosen a name with a little more dignity?" Noah asked.

"Don't worry about it.", Chris replied, "I'll shed some light on why we need you guys. The terrorist organization Al Queda has threatened the world with their bombing methods. But their secret, sister organization, Flo Rida is a much bigger threat. They have gotten control of Pakistani nukes and have shipped them to a secret part of the world we don't know about. We've already sent another squad consisting of Alejandro, Heather, Cody, Katie, Sadie, Trent, DJ and Izzy. All of them have gone M.I.A. except Alejandro. They could be kidnapped close to where the bombs are, but we made a vital mistake in their training that we can't make with you guys."

"A chance to become a spy? Count me in!" Harold said.

"Are you crazy? We'll die!" Noah retorted, "And I'm way too smart to die."

"And what is the big difference in our training?"

"Alejandro, the most promising spy in this organisation will be helping you guys. So are you in?" Chris asked.

"If it's to save Cody, count me in!" Sierra replied. The room stared at her, as everybody started to speak.

"Will it show up on our Resume?" Courtney asked.

"If you succeed, yes." Chris replied.

"Fine. I'm in." Courtney sighed.

"I don't know." Duncan smirked, "I'm more about destroying the world, but if the princess wants to wear a black and tight jumpsuit, who am I to stop her?"

"Duncan, you perv!"

"Too late now."

_"If the world ends... Then I can't eat anymore hot dogs unless I go to heaven..."_ Owen thought to himself, "Are there any hot dogs in heaven?"

The entire room stared at him, "I'll join anyways."

"Alright then. I'll join to." Eva said.

"This sounds really exciting, right Chip?" Lindsay asked.

"It's Chris..."

Everybody stared at Noah, who simply shrugged and looked for a door out of here.

"Come on Noah... This will be fun!" Owen said.

"You guys do that, I'll read my book like I always do..." Noah retorted as he looked for a door, "I'm not going to be of any help."

"I'm afraid that if you don't accept, we're going to have to erase your memory." Chris replied.

"My memory? You can't."

"I can."

"You won't."

"I will."

"Fine, I'm in." Noah sighed.

"Excellent decision. Grab on to something soft." Chris said as the entire floor dropped quickly, sending the campers to the basement.

* * *

><p>When they hit the floor, they immediately got up to look at their surroundings. It was a high-tech lab, something out of science fiction... Only it was reality. Alejandro was staring at all of this, with a smile. He helped all of them up and guided them through the lab.<p>

"Hi Alex! Remember me?" Lindsay asked.

"So Chris told you what happened, yes?" Alejandro asked them, ignoring Lindsay's question.

"Vaguely. He said your old squad was M.I.A except for you." Noah replied.

"That's true. We were trapped in Siberia. I'm the only one to make it out, and barely. I almost got killed."

Sierra let out a horrified gasp, "Does that mean that Cody is... is..."

"I assure you he's alive. They only tried to kill me because I was escaping. I had a lot of difficulty deciding to come back here."

"So why did you?" Eva asked.

"I have some... Scores to settle." Alejandro frowned, "Anyways, you guys are going to have a week's worth of training. Out of the lab, and in to our training facility!" He said as he opened a secret door, "Here are your bunkers." Alejandro showed two rooms with four beds each.

"So we only have a week to be trained in to spies?

"Believe me. That's enough time once you see our training exercises."

"Are they bad?" Owen asked.

"Not at all. They are just extremely specific." Alejandro stopped, "Each of these halls are meant for somebody different. Read who it's for and then perform the course of action if it's for you."

* * *

><p>Noah stepped in to his hall, and looked around. It was simply a collection of monitors, a chair and a computer. He sat down and turned the computer on. Noah noticed a note on his desk and picked it up. It read the following:<p>

_Noah-_

_You're our intelligence. Instead of fighting on the front lines, you'll be directing others on where to go. Start of by hacking this building's security system and getting a monitor on each of your team-mates._

Noah read through the note several times and sighed; yet another time they didn't really want him. He was simply there for the purpose of being there, just like dodgeball. Either way, he started to do everything he could. He did find it rather easy to hack in to the security's main-frame and get all of the data. As he noticed many of the top secret files, it took every inch of his control not to look at them. He just tried to ignore them and continue to find what he's supposed to do. But he couldn't wonder; however, what were in those documents?

* * *

><p>Alejandro looked as everybody completed their objectives with surprisingly immense difficulty. Courtney and Harold were both given the tasks of infiltrating the building. Duncan had been trying to disable security personelle, who were replaced with dummies. Sierra was... well, doing what Sierra does, such as generally creating a distraction for the guards and running away. Owen was having the most problems, with being an actual spy for the others. Owen was standing in front of a guard trying to convince him to let Owen through.<p>

"What's wrong Owen?"

"This actor won't let me through until he's convinced that I'm not a spy."

"That's his job?"

"Well I'm too easily figured out! I just can't lie!"

"Of course you can! Watch me!" Alejandro stepped to the actor guarding the door.

"Hello my brother. I have been instructed to meet with the colonel." Alejandro said as he showed his license. The actor immediately accepted this and let him go through, "Now it's your turn."

"Okay... I have been instructed to meet with my brother- no, wait! The colonel has instructed to meet with my father?" Owen tried to lie. Alejandro face-palmed as a result.

"Just let him through." Alejandro sighed as Owen followed him.

* * *

><p>Alejandro looked at all seven of the spies who have gathered in the hallway, "After four hours, all of you have finally completed this!... Noah, you there?"<p>

"No, I'm just chilling with all of this place's most secretive documents with me." Noah said over the Public Announcer in the headquarters.

"Stop being an arrognant thorn in my-" Eva said before Courtney coughed, "Fine."

"Anyways, all eight of you show some form of promise. Some, more than others." He glared at Owen, "Now I know where you are and how well you're doing. We have a week to go, and I need to make you guys perfect at this. Rest up, it's going to be a big day tommorow as you'll start field training."

"Is that after sensitivity training?" Owen asked, as everybody looked at him.

"We don't have sensitivity training. Why would you ask that anyways?"

* * *

><p><strong>Day 2<strong>

All of the campers quickly responded to the loud trumpet in various ways. Most didn't want to hear it as they slept, but some hopped out of bed to get ready for the day. All eight of them assembled in front of Alejandro as he smiled.

"Alright then. Some of you aren't morning people. On top of that, it seems you're in worse condition than yesterday." Alejandro remarked, "Follow me."

Alejandro led them to a secret elavator that led them to the surface again. The area was a complete desert that with no sight of civilization. They looked around; it wasn't anything like Canada.

"Where are we?" Harold asked.

"This seems to be the Arizonan desert." Noah replied.

"Noah's right. There's no road for the next twenty miles. Fifty to actually get to civilization. Perfect place for a secret international facility. Anyways, if you keep on going left you'll find training grounds specifically tailored for all of your needs. Take the van to get there. And remeber to communicate with some form of device."

All eight piled in to the van. It was extremely high tech, with various computers and signals being transmitted. It was most likely for Noah, he guessed.

"I'll drive!" Duncan said before Courtney pushed him.

"No, I'll drive. I was a C.I.T!" She yelled and started the van. Everybody took a seat as they went to the training facility.

* * *

><p>They had to stop fairly far away from the training facility; Alejandro's orders. Plus, they had guards that were constantly keeping watch. They parked behind the facility as everybody got out.<p>

"Is everybody ready?" Harold asked.

"Gear is good, nerd." Duncan retorted.

"I've brought my deodorant!" Owen sang.

"Noah, are the systems working?"

"Reading green." Noah responded in a sarcastic voice. Courtney rolled her eyes.

"Will you just be kind to people? Anyways, let's go." She said as everybody left.

Noah rolled his eyes, "I'll be nice to you as soon as you include me."

* * *

><p>They slowly came to the wall. They had kept completely silent, not even being able to hear their own footsteps; except Owen's.<p>

Harold thought he had heard something, so he stopped everybody in place and hid against the wall and listened.

_Footsteps._

Harold gave the 3,2,1 sign and silently told the others that two people were coming. Duncan prepared his fists to ambush them, while Owen put on his deodorant quickly. As two guards passed the corners, Duncan quickly smashed their heads together from behind, knocking them out.

"So... Are we going to strip them or something?" Owen asked as everybody gave him an awakward stare, "Just asking..."

"Nope... They're wearing clothes under their uniforms." Duncan said as he tossed Owen one of the uniforms.

"Alright then... No stripping?"

"Why do you keep on making it sound so weird?" Noah asked over his headset, which was transmitted to the other's bluetooths.

"Just asking." Owen repeated as he attempted to put on the uniform. A couple of grunts came; he had difficulty putting it on. He finally put it on, with the bottom of his shirt ripping.

"Okay... So Owen has ripped the other suit. I'll put on the suit, and here's the plan." Duncan whispered as everybody huddled.

"I will sound an alarm that we've found an intruder by the front gates. Sierra will start running away with those frog legs and hide later on. While all of them are rushing out, I'll sneak in and find a side entrance for you guys. Or at the very least, the objective."

"What's our objective?"

"Alejandro said it was to get to their lab and recover as much data as possible and escape. It's important that none of us get caught." Courtney replied.

"Wait, what if they speak another language and talk to Duncan?" Eva asked.

"Well, I speak French! Hehe, the language of romance." Sierra giggled, "Next to Mandarin."

"I speak Japanese, German, Saudi, Hindi, Spanish, Portuguese, French and Swedish!" Harold added.

"Alright then, Harold will be in the disguise." Noah said.

* * *

><p>Harold took a deep breath and stayed at the entrance. He knocked on it and it was opened by four armed guards.<p>

"Ruman si toro?" One of the guards asked. Harold tried to figure out what language it was.

"Si. Aye romasta."

"You do know I speak English?" One of the guards said, "I can tell this isn't your first language. Your accent sounds really fake... So what's the problem?"

Harold nervously coughed, "I'm part of the reconnaissance team. I'm just late for my patrol."

One of the guards laughed, "You must be new here. Do you know what they do if you're late? Hurry or you'll be regretting even coming here."

"Thank you." Harold said as he walked through the gate. One of the guards grabbed his shoulder, making Harold gasp and hope for the best.

_Was he caught? How did they know?_

"Where's your identification?"

"Of course! Umm..." Harold replied as he searched the pockets of the uniform. He gasped; Owen must have taken both of them. He thought of a lie on his feet until...

"Aye aye aye!" Sierra screamed, alerting the entire facility of her presence. She appeared from behind a rock for a second and ran away.

"We'll deal with you later." One of the guards said as they all ran to track her down. Dozens more came after them, and Harold attempted to fit in until all of them were gone and the grounds around the facility were empty.

He walked inside, only to find another guard standing in his path.

"Identification please."

"Just let me find it..." Harold replied. He reached in to his pocket, pretending to get something. Instead, he punched the guard straight in the face, knocking the guard out...

He wished.

The guard stood there, motionless but with an angry expression. Harold backed away.

"Woah, gosh... How did you get so strong? I bet my girlfriend would love if I had your body!"

The guard smiled, "Lots of training, hard work and drugs. _A lot of drugs._ So you have a girlfriend? What's she like?"

Harold scratched the back of his head, "We broke up. I've always loved her, but she's been disloyal to me. Like- a cat. I'm more of a Capybara person, you know? I'm not sure where she is now, but she probably forgot about me by now. Her name is Leshawna."

"Well, Leshawna was really stupid not to see your qualities. I'm supposed to be killing you but I'm not because you seem like a really nice guy."

Behind Harold came Duncan. Duncan quickly punched the guard in the face, knocking the burly man out. Harold frowned.

"Why did you do that? He was a genuinely nice guy!" Harold scolded Duncan.

Duncan sneered, "You're a spy. Want to talk to somebody? Go press the communications button on your blue-tooth."

"Gosh, this is serious! He could be badly injured."

"Perfect, he won't be waking up in hours. Hide the body outside while I check for anything we can use."

* * *

><p>Duncan and Harold, both in disguises with identification went inside the building. It was more crowded as many people came back since Sierra (The Intruder) was believed to actually be a Monkey and left the search for her. Since then, security was raised a little bit around the building.<p>

"Alright, thermals indicate two guards around the corner. Act normally." Noah said. Both of them copied and walked around the corner. Two guards were talking between themselves, completely ignoring Duncan and Harold.

"Is it clear?" Harold asked.

"Beyond this point it is signifacantly colder, which would really mess up the thermal views. Let me find a security monitor that shows where you are... Alright, I've got access to their security system."

"How?" Duncan asked.

"Well, dumbell, I need a password to access their wifi-network. Understand? Or are your parents still paying for your cell-phone bills and spoonfeeding you?"

"You may be half a mile away, but that doesn't mean I can't come there and strangle you!" Duncan shouted; and rather loudly. Harold started to get worried that somebody might hear them.

"Look, I'm sorry your parents never went to your ballet practices, but that's no reason to be mad at me."

"I'm coming for you, nerd!" Duncan screamed and walked outside the building, leaving Harold by himself.

* * *

><p>"What's taking them so long!" Eva screamed, destroying the silence the remaining four had created.<p>

"Relax, it's only been five minutes." Courtney replied.

"I say we have a snack." Lindsay recommended.

"I'm with Lindsay on this one." Owen added.

"Shut up! I can't take this anymore!" She shouted, punching the wall. When she hit it, a certain section of it completely broke off, revealing a secret passage.

"I've got a good feeling about this!" Owen sang.

"Maybe it leads to a secret Princess crown!" Lindsay added.

"How is this good? We've could have pretty much alerted our presence! Plus, Lindsay, you've been watching too many fairy movies!" Courtney yelled, "And what if it's a trap?"

"It's a lot better than just waiting here." Eva replied.

"Fine, but if we get caught, it's on Lindsay's head."

"But I like my head!"

* * *

><p>The facility was surprisingly empty. Few guards were there, and most of them were dispatched fairly easily. It was a fairly long hallway with went two ways.<p>

"Alright, Lindsay and I will take left." Courtney said.

"We'll take right then." Eva said. The four went their seperate ways.

* * *

><p>Harold continued sneaking around, looking for the central data core to complete their objective. He looked around the room and bumped in to a fairly large figure.<p>

When he got up, he got in to a fighting stance and punched the figure straight in the stomach.

"Hehe, that tickles."

"Owen?"

"Hey Harold!" Owen waved back.

"How'd you get in here?"

"There was a secret door at the back." Eva replied.

"Okay, so let's find a way out of here."

"Not so fast." A deep, gruff voice said.

"E-Eva?" Owen asked to protect him.

"Let me go!" Eva yelled, being held by two other guards.

"Take them to the detention center. Also alert the entire base. There may be other spies already here."

"Remember me?" Harold smiled at the body guard.

"Yeah, it was your partner that decided to knock me out. Where is he?"

"He's west of here going towards our van." Harold said before realizing what he had done.

"Idiot!" Eva's voice echoed.

All three of them were being dragged to the detention center.

* * *

><p>"Alright, where are you?" Duncan yelled as he opened the door to the van. It was completely empty, and felt hands grab himself from behind. He retaliated by kicking, with no sucess.<p>

"You and your little buddy are caught." The guard replied, "Where are your affiliates?"

"My what?"

"Friends."

"Well, they aren't really my friends."

"Where are they?"

"I don't know!"

In response, the guard kicked Duncan in one of the legs, causing Duncan to fall.

* * *

><p>"Noah, can you hear me? Respond, that's an order!" Courtney yelled. All that was heard was static, as she put the blue-tooth away.<p>

"What did he say?"

"Nothing."

"Why won't he talk?" Lindsay asked.

Courtney groaned in frusteration, "Don't worry about it!"

"Can you hear something?" She asked.

Courtney remained silent, and heard footsteps around the hallway. She quickly opened one of the doors and dragged Lindsay and her in. They locked the door and looked around.

"Hi!" Lindsay waved, "Can I have some coffee?"

"What are you talki- Oh..." Courney asked until she saw what was in the room. A guard was sitting down, drinking coffee and just stared at them. He then turned his attention to the emergency switch on the wall.

"Don't even think about it!" Courtney yelled. The guard constantly looked between her and the emergency switch. Lindsay simply smiled, oblivious to what was going on.

"Don't!" Courtney yelled again as the guard got up from his seat, considering his options.

"What's going on?" Lindsay asked.

Just then, the Guard hit the switch, causing an alarm across the facility. Courtney kicked the guard, grabbed Lindsay and ran to the hallway. Behind her, she could hear shouting from the guards on top of the alarm. She entered a different hallway and threw a chair at one of the approaching guards, slowing him down. They took another corner, which was being overrun by guards. She looked for any other passages, to no luck.

* * *

><p>All eight of the spies were captured and put in a cell deep within the facility. Hours passed until Alejandro came.<p>

"What happened?" He asked.

"Duncan abandoned the mission." Harold quickly replied.

"Noah deserved it!"

"Look, you are a team. All of you should act like it. Not only have you failed the objective, but all of you got caught... Just like my team did." Alejandro said, "But I've learned from my mistakes."

"So what now?"

"Guards, free them. Take the van and go back to your bunkers. Tommorow, I'll have to make training a little more... Hmmm, agressive."

* * *

><p><strong>Author's Notes-<strong>

Hope you enjoyed this chapter. From here, the story will really pick up. Anyways...

Please review! If you enjoy this, help get this story noticed for others to enjoy as well!

Next chapter will be out soon. Can't say when, but it's going to be summer vacation where I live soon so I'll try to get chapters out faster.


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